tom stone

statement

i photograph people who skirt the edges of things; people whose connection to the broader flow is murky or obscured. mistaken as more, less or different than they are; they aren’t really seen and don’t really belong. that’s everyone sometimes; but some more often. i try to establish a line for a moment. i hope to connect. and i see the most beautiful and the most heartbreaking things. 

to my thinking, the original human trauma is our separation. we are too close not to need each other; and too far to trust each other. we rely on dubious senses and clever devices to interact; but we are alone in our thoughts. lonely, insecure and uncertain; we pair, we group, we associate. we try to belong and we seek to exclude. we form bonds by geography, religion, economy and otherwise. but it is all precarious. we come together and we drive apart. 

and we climb our ladder. we step away from those who don’t belong and help those who do. we are connected rung by rung – though less and less – as we push and pull. but some do not climb; and below, the earth is littered with them. they fit too poorly. they stand apart. they stand without.  

and what of them; these ones who don’t belong or who are excluded; who don’t fit or don’t try? is there nothing they value? is there nothing of them we value? i count it as a measure of our ignorance, the depth of poverty in the world. it’s a glaring marker to how far we have not come. yet it has also driven our advance; on less fortunate backs and against less fortunate fate.  

but is there really no connection there? does such fate – whether choice or circumstance – speak nothing of us? tell me we do more than advance in place; with so many left behind. or promise me we can do better. say we can reflect ourselves; us and them... that we can see the ways we overlap and distinguish the ways we grow apart. and pledge that we can learn; to fit all of our misshapes; to reward value beyond charity and beyond the marketplace; to be better to each other; to be better ourselves. and promise me it could be a better world. or tell me we are at our best. 

  • kids with dollsYOUNG PERSON PANHANDLING BESIDE TEDDY BEAR, SAN FRANCISCO, FEBRUARY 2007she sits in a way ladies aren't supposed to, beside a large teddy bear which doesn't seem to mind. they're layered in a sort of soot set by time. but there's a familiarity.the people pass in huddled disbelief at what she shows. though it's not so much, it looks like more. their eyes and fingers point. there's shock as they go.she's grasping her knees like she's sitting in a cold shower remembering the night before. like she's crashing down off the heroin she took too long before. like she needs another fix.but first she {quote}just{quote} needs five bucks. for that {quote}habit{quote} she has. she's been panhandling.there's a skin trade everywhere here. and she looks the part. with her pink lipstick and blond wig. with her bare coverings. with her indiscretion.but she has a face that is so familiar.and when she talks it's not as a lady.name's wayland; from san mateo. been on the street since he was sixteen.he's been living in a nearby low income hotel he pays with ssi benefits.what for, the ssi? he points to his head.says he has plenty of friends on the street, but his family is mostly dead; except for a sister. he visits her sometimes.and i know now that i've met him before as a boy.
  • HOMELESS MAN, SAN FRANCISCO, MAY 2007{quote}hi, how are you?{quote} he says excitedly. he thinks he knows me for a moment.name's dan; from billings, montana. left when he was 15. been on the street since then.talks to his parents sometimes on the phone. mostly to his mom. but she just died three months ago. talked to his dad then; and to his sister. she's born again. has two other sisters too; no one knows where they are.he was supposed to be flown back for the funeral; but that didn't happen.tells me how he came to san francisco ten years back: {quote}me and this...{quote} he stops and looks at me. {quote}do you hate gays?{quote} he asks.{quote}no.{quote}{quote}k. me and this gay guy; we broke out of an institution; jumped the fence and hopped a train. came to san francisco. we were friends for a long time.{quote}{quote}you're not still together?{quote} i ask.{quote}no. i wish we were though.{quote}a man in his fifties walks by with a big smile disturbing the thought. he's looking at dan repeating like he's bursting: {quote}the naked guy from the hotel! the naked guy from the hotel!{quote}he doesn't stop walking.{quote}he took pictures of me. naked pictures. i didn't like that.{quote}asked how he gets by, says {quote}i do what i have to do.{quote}{quote}what were you in the institution for?{quote} i ask.{quote}my parents put me there when i was 9. they lied; said i did things i didn't do.{quote}{quote}it was 'cause of my father. he molested me. he did very bad things to me.{quote}
  • YOUNG MAN WITH TEDDY BEAR, SAN FRANCISCO, OCTOBER 2007he's been working the intersection like a pin ball, or a yo-yo on a string. corner to corner; side to side. propelled or drawn, he rushes here and there, then waits.i catch him in an alley with a friend and his bear. the friend is hunched behind a car and hovers away as i approach. the bear stays close.name's wayland; from san mateo. been more than a year since i met him first.he tells me of the places he's been and the places he likes. says he likes colorado best because people get along good there. he went there with his parents when he was about fifteen.they took his picture with a baseball cap and his baseball glove raised to make a catch. he shows me how. says he was really close to his parents and he misses them.they're dead now. his mom died in '97 from stomach cancer and his dad might as well have. his dad started shooting meth, got aids from a transvestite downtown and died soon after.the transvestite was a friend of wayland's and he's pretty sure she's how his dad got infected. he's not totally sure though.but he's sure it wasn't him.{quote}i had myself checked. it wasn't me. i'm just glad i didn't give it to him.{quote}
  • MACKENZIE, SAN FRANCISCO, SEPTEMBER 2009there's a restlessness in the air. a strange warmth for a rainy day.the hipster with the round glasses rushes by. {quote}do you know where to find crystal?{quote} he asks hurriedly. i shrug thinking of the rabbit in wonderland. he thinks better, doubling back, and apologizes for having asked me that. i smile. {quote}no worries.{quote}the beautiful girls are all out today. at least those with something to sell. avoiding the rain in doorways and corners. waiting for what days like these have in store. newly each time.mackenzie says she looks like shit and she's hungry. she's from new orleans. she left after the hurricane. she says she hasn't eaten all day. i tell her the camera thinks she looks fine and show her. she smiles.i see the little girl then. and the little boy. just for a sec. it's the same smile she must have had. or would have had. but for different reasons.and she's really a lovely girl. and she's not worth this.
  • DANE | SAN FRANCISCO | AUGUST 5, 2012.{quote}i was a male hustler{quote}says it like it's a boast, or to see what i'm after.  {quote}but i'm retired now.{quote}name's dane.  used to shoot em up back in nebraska.  but that was before. and that was mostly animals back when he was a kid.  nebraska; cars and guns. he was a terror with both.when he wasn't getting beat by his brother's dad.  they'd adopted him to give their son a playmate.  but that went flat.  the boy hated him. plus there was the bed wetting.  that's where the beating came in.  or started.the hustling began in oregon a bit later.  it was four years of hustling.  and he was straight for most of it.  well he wasn't doing drugs, that is.  it was guys who were buying.  but that wasn't a stretch, just the getting paid was different.  and the freak show.  says {quote}shit, i was some fine merchandise; long blonde hair...{quote}  like he's stroking it, {quote}didn't have to worry about price, just had to say 'how much u got?'{quote}then he figured, {quote}hey why the fuck arent' i getting high? i'm in the life.{quote}  from there, the sex and the drugs went hand in hand.  even after.  guys would get him high and next thing he'd be doing the whole football team.  but that was fine, either way.  the drugs, the sex.  all good however it came.then {quote}a guy paid me $5000 to come down to san francisco with him.{quote}  been here since.  wasn't with the guy long though.  {quote}he was disgusting.{quote}retired now, he reminds.  well, not totally.  and certainly {quote}not the same merchandise.{quote}  but at the end of the month, every month, things get tight.  and {quote}i'll fuck or suck or beg... whatever it takes{quote}says he's thinking of trying to get back into the life.  {quote}get some nice fishnets{quote} he says; showing me like he's got em.{quote}to see if you still can?{quote} i ask{quote}no, stupid, for the money{quote} he says, but smiles.
  • JACOB | SAN FRANCISCO | JULY 13, 2012.they're defending me now. on principle.  the guy speaking of paris and propriety is berating me. i'd have taken him for a broader view, being gay, and all.  but he says i disgust him, really all of us down here do. the filth. kneeling in it. sitting in it. like we're rolling around in it. says it's beyond disgusting.  well, ok, i'm sorry you think that.  having appropriately made a scene, he loses steam and moves along.it's three of us down here. but i'm just a wallflower against a news stand. and not here long.the other two, they're twins. jacob and daniel. from LA. jacob's got the dreams. daniel's got the plans. but neither's really clear what's next.  jacob's been here 6 months now. he's still  disoriented as to how.  there was a concert with friends.  but he got left .  and stuck.  so daniel came.  but that was four months ago.  and they're still here.jacob asks if i want him nude. for pictures or whatever. awkwardly, i thank him all the same.  he says not to take it the wrong way, but they've been making money panhandling and turning tricks, so he's down for whatever.  we talk a while.  i like them a lot and i'm sad when i leave.
  • YOUNG MAN IN TENDERLOIN, SAN FRANCISCO, JULY 2006wayland from san mateo sitting in doorway on sidewalk. has been on the street in sf since he was 16.(7/18/06)
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  • DRIFTER LEIF WITH FACE TATTOO IN TENDERLOIN, SAN FRANCISCO, MAY 2006homeless man from texas. he's off to los angeles as soon as he can scrape together the cash. got his tattoo done years ago at a place called the mystic mark.when i first saw him, he was checking through some leaves by the curb. he has debris on his face.his name is leif; pronounced {quote}life.{quote}(5/3/06)
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